Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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