LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
