why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
