I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
