Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
