It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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