She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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