By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
