I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
