make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
