fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
