Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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