Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
