WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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