dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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