Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
