yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
