It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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