Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
