Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
