Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
