saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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