My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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