i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
