I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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