for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
