lets start a swedish sibling band together
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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