i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
