There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this hospital has no fireball
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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