from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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