I heard we made out
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
