using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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