Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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