pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
