i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
