Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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