i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
