I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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