worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
