I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
