My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
