im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
