iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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