Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
