You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
only you would photoshop your dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
