Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
