Nicole vs. Life
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
