How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
