Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
