When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
