i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
