We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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