he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He shit in the fireplace
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
