Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
