first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
