My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
