I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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