Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize