I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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