Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ladies don't puke and tell
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
