sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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