so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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