Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
