I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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