my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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