Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
