I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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