if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
