we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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