So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
