too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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