I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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