The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
