broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
