Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
