how can u be prego again
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
