Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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