Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
